Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Counting It All Joy

The thoughts are swirling in my mind this morning as I pray and ponder with my precious lovie resting in the hospital crib next to me.  So many things to treasure up, so many things to lift up, so many things to leave me on my knees.


I haven’t had time to update here on the blog (I’ve been trying to keep up with on-the-spot updates via Facebook because it’s quick and easy and doesn’t take me away from Conner’s side), but I do try to give a once-a-day update here if possible.


The urgent message on my heart today is regarding putting on the mind of Christ.  Not that we can BE Christ, but we can certainly ask Him to lend us His eyes, His heart, His love, His compassion, His mind.  That all aligns with Chrissie’s legacy of bossing our hearts, which today reminds us to align our hearts and thinking with the mind of Christ, not with our earthly flesh or with worldly thinking/desires.


Some people might have the opinion that if we didn’t have so many kids, we wouldn’t have to endure so many hospital stays, we wouldn’t have so many “hardships”, we wouldn’t need so many prayers, etc.  My response to such thinking is that we also wouldn’t have as many blessings (children are a blessing of the Lord), we wouldn’t experience as much love, we wouldn’t see the face of Christ as often, we wouldn’t feel His touch as deeply, we wouldn’t be stretched and matured into who He wants us to be, we wouldn’t have the opportunity to know so many amazing Jesus-loving friends around the world who continually lift us up in prayer, we wouldn’t have as many situations to practice “counting it all joy” (James 1), we wouldn’t have as many opportunities to fully seek His face, we wouldn’t have as many opportunities to rely solely upon our Jehovah Jireh (our Provider), we wouldn’t have witnessed as many miracles first-hand, we wouldn’t know Him as intimately, we wouldn’t witness the details God works out so beautifully without our even uttering a word, and we surely wouldn’t have as many opportunities to see His glory shine so brightly.


Sure, we might be more comfortable and less inconvenienced, but when our goal on this earth is to store up treasures in heaven, earthly comfort and convenience becomes less of a concern.  There are two commandments in God’s Word that were (are) more important and esteemed higher than any other of God’s commands (the greatest commandment, found in Mark 12):  (1) To love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength—AND— (2) to love your neighbor as yourself.  When we strive to make these commands our priority, our earthly perspective is changed.  Many of the things that were once important to us begin to fade , our focus becomes His focus, and we’re able to count trials and tribulations as joy.


With back to back to back trials and tribulations that seem to be never-ending, it’s easy to get tired and discouraged.  It’s especially important during these times that we keep our eyes on Christ, that we remember to boss our hearts to beat in sync with His and align our thoughts with His commands.  Count it all joy, storing up our treasures in heaven, focusing on what matters to the Creator of the Universe, keeping our eyes on Him always.


Yesterday (Monday) was by far Conner’s worst day yet of his being with us over the last 5 months.  He had an absolutely miserable night Sunday night and continued in the pattern of having a miserable day Monday.  Our hearts broke to watch him suffer, but I was reminded of the mind of Christ, counting it all joy that Conner is no longer a forgotten orphan, but a treasured child in a family where he’s learned to call out for his momma!!!


May God’s glory shine brightly through our trials and tribulations, as we count it all joy and boss our hearts to beat in sync with His!


Please keep praying for Conner’s healing and comfort.  His blood cultures are showing that the Salmonella in his blood are responding to the antibiotic, so that’s great news.  Conner’s pain level has been over-the-top, but it’s really hard to determine the source of the pain since Conner is non-verbal and unable to respond to our questions, nor can he point to where it hurts, etc.  We’re purely guessing based upon symptoms, but his pain greatly increased following his spinal tap.  I was thinking spinal headache, but the doctors weren’t convinced (neither was I, but it was the only documented change in his care/environment/experience).  No meds could touch the pain (morphine, versed, Benadryl, Chloral, Tylenol…all combined!), so we’ve had some really excruciating, heartbreaking hours (upon hours) here.  Fighting for our little hero who has no voice to defend himself (Proverbs 31:8) is a great privilege for me, as his momma, but it’s also a sure way to break my heart into a million tiny pieces, knowing I’m fighting my heart out for him, but not being able to “fix” everything the way I’d like to.  God holds this little cherished boy in the palm of His hand, and as my heart breaks, He holds the pieces as well, knowing His plan is to work all things for good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).  He is sovereign and has a greater plan in all of this.


One thing that gives me great comfort, in addition to the peace that passes understanding from our Father, is the staff at Dell Children’s Hospital.  I am so comforted to see their level of compassion and concern, weighing risks, keeping up with all of the necessary tests, staying on top of everything, with Conner’s best interest at the forefront.  When I don’t understand something, I know that they do.  They know why they are or are not doing certain things, and when I can’t figure out why, I ask, and they explain it to me.  What seems black and white isn’t at all due to Conner’s atypical presentations, plus his malnutritioned history, low platelets, wonky blood counts, wacky cultures, and acidotic state, septic state, low blood pressure, tachycardia (fast heart rate), and so many other factors all play a role in what medications he can or cannot have.  The doctors always consider my requests, answer my concerns, and share my compassion for meeting the needs of sweet Conner.  I’m truly grateful for the awesome care Conner has received here, and I look forward to bringing Conner home, where he belongs, SOON!!!!!!  I’m claiming victory through the One who has already won this battle!!!  Christ’s model of unconditional love, crazy compassion, and sacrificing ourselves for the sake of others is what keeps me going, for when I am weak, He is STRONG.  May He be glorified at all times!



No comments:

blog comments powered by Disqus