Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Selah's Story, Part 2

Part 1 of Selah's story concluded with how I decided I should embrace God's plan and let go of my own desire to protect my heart (and the hearts of every member of my family!).  Well, that began by my telling myself that I wouldn't commit to anything until I could talk to the baby's doctors and get her medical records.  (Not exactly fully embracing God's plan over my own!)  I wanted to meet with the neurosurgeon and the neurologist, as well as anyone else who might possibly have information for me regarding Selah's prognosis, and if I could gather enough evidence that our hearts were not at risk of being shattered, then I would comply with God's plan to make these girls forever Pattersons.
Parker lovin' on his baby sister.

Naturally, God had different plans than I did.  In my quest to track down doctors, get evaluations and consultations set up, and obtain medical records, it became obvious to me that God didn't really want me to get my hands on all of that information before making my decision about whether or not we could handle adopting Selah.  (I was not successful in ANY of MY plans!)  God wanted my instant obedience, regardless of the outcome.  He wanted me to trust and obey Him no matter what.  And that was H-A-R-D!!!  I wanted to know what we would be facing in the future.  I wanted some assurance that Selah would live a long, healthy life.  I felt like we could handle things if Selah ended up with Cerebral Palsy or almost any other type of physical or mental disability, but if I found out that this baby might possibly die at a young age, I would most certainly have to decline this commitment!
Selah relaxing in the comfort of Meribeth's arms.

Since I couldn't get my hands on the medical records, and time was passing quickly, I decided I would need to discuss the possibilities of Selah's future in depth with our children so that they would understand the risks.  As I explained things, Mattie said, "So, Mom, are you saying that if she ends up with something "wrong" with her, that she's less lovable?"  OUCH!  No, that wasn't what I was saying, but that must have been what I was conveying by my actions.  I was actually just wanting the kids to understand the risks with Baby Selah so that they wouldn't feel like I didn't warn them!  Each of our children wholeheartedly wanted to adopt both girls, regardless of the future.  Regardless of how long or short Selah's life may be, regardless of how many surgeries she might have, regardless of how much help she might need, regardless of the fact that she might have seizures, regardless of anything, really.  What models of Christ my children are!  And oh how I had failed miserably!  I needed to learn from my children!
Daddy holding his sweet baby girl at church.

I was already head over heels in love with our two new Texas girls, and the thought of ever giving them up was just as heart-wrenching as the thought of possibly losing Selah at a young age!  So, I made a wholehearted commitment to join the rest of my family in devoting our hearts and lives to these two Texas girls, forever and always no matter what. 

...to be continued...

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