Nuts and Bolts {Part 3}

Here’s the final post in this series, as I only have one more question to answer:

I'd also like to hear the nuts-n-bolts about how you have housed everyone- did you move, add-on, or what? How have you decided how to put what kids in what rooms, with whom?

 

Back in the summer of 2005, we moved to our current home on our little ranch in our little town in the hill country of Texas.  (We used to live across the street!)  The original plan had been that once our former home sold, we would build a replica of an historical home on our new property.  We even took an RV trip to Pennsylvania to view the original historical home that was our inspiration, then we had an historical architect draw up the plans.

Well, our home sold more quickly than we expected, so my husband decided that he would build a barn with guest quarters on our ranch, with the intention of temporarily living there while our other home was being built.  Thirty days into the barn project, I took a break from packing up our former home, and visited the site of our future temporary home.

 

I was stunned by how massive this “barn” was.  Stunned.  My husband had built a 4,000 square foot barn, which was not the plan!!!  He finished the project in just 62 days, and we moved in June 2005, still believing it was only temporary.

 

Well, this barn monstrosity really rocked my world at the time.  I just couldn’t commence with our former plans to build the historical home.  I couldn’t come to peace with that plan, so we took a year to pray, while living in our “temporary” residence—a 4,000 square foot barn with two bedrooms. 

 

After much prayer and contemplation, God revealed His plan.  We were to make the “barn” our permanent home.  We decided to renovate the barn and incorporate some of the historical features of the Pennsylvania inspirational home.

Before we knew it, we had a 6,000 square foot home!!!!!!!  This was NOT the plan.  Ever!!!  At the time, we only had three kids.  Having this huge “barn” home that was never part of the plan really messed me up.  I couldn’t figure out why things turned out this way. 

In late 2006, God revealed to me a small glimpse of His plan.  He didn’t give me the details, but He did give me peace.  The only piece of the puzzle He revealed had something to do with a retreat for children.  I didn’t understand what that meant exactly, but He washed me with such a peace that I was able to let go of the struggle of having such a large home with only three children.

 

In November 2007, God called us to adopt our first child, Meribeth.  He began to show us a tiny glimpse of this “children’s retreat”, although, at the time, we didn’t really think OUR children would be the ones enjoying the children’s retreat.  We thought maybe we’d host weekend retreats or summer camps or something for children who needed to find Jesus and be in a healthy environment, short-term.

 

Well, in an effort to make a long story somewhat shorter, here we are in 2012 with ten children living in our home.  God is good1  He knew all along that He planned to fill this home with many children, not children who would come once a year to enjoy this beautiful ranch, but children He would hand pick to permanently join our family.  We never would have guessed this back in 2005 when God started His blueprints on this plan!!!

 

So, to answer the question above, we haven’t had to move and we haven’t had to add on.  God had already provided the perfect “retreat” for His chosen children.

 

We have played “musical rooms” quite a bit though.  Every bedroom in our home (there are 5 bedrooms total) has been inhabited by various family members.  Usually God tells us who to house where, but that changes as the seasons of life change.  Currently, God has Selah (age 2) in a bedroom by herself in a crib.  Our three oldest girls share a room (the room that was originally our master bedroom, back when this barn had just two bedrooms).

Above is an old photo of Selah’s room, which used to Mattie’s room, then it was Mattie’s and Meribeth’s room, then it was a girls’ playroom, and now it’s Selah’s room.

 

Below is a photo of our older girls’ bedroom, which was originally our master bedroom.

 

 

Cooper and Conner share a bedroom with two cribs.  That bedroom was originally Sawyer’s bedroom (back when we just had 3 kids).  Vlad and Dima (our host children and sons of our heart) also slept in this room, as it has a full-sized bed, in addition to the two cribs.

 

 

In another bedroom, you’ll find Parker (15), Sawyer (12), Kiefer (4), and Ella (7).  Parker and Kiefer share the bottom queen-sized bunk, while Sawyer sleeps above them.  Ella sleeps in the top bunk of the other bunk bed in that same room.  Ella used to sleep in a small bed in the older girls’ bedroom, but we recently made this change, with confirmation from God that this would be the best arrangement for this season.  It’s working out well.  Kiefer and Ella are best friends and wanted to sleep in the same bedroom, but we needed supervision for them, so this works perfectly.

 

I’m sure the sleeping arrangements will change again, just as the seasons come and go, but for now, this works well.  I have a feeling Ella and Selah (biological half-sisters) will one day share a room.  Our home is designed with a boys’ wing and a girls’ wing, with two bedrooms at one end of the house for the girls and two bedrooms at the opposite end of the house for the boys.  Currently, there are two full-sized beds that have no one sleeping in them, so there’s still space for adjustments to be made if necessary. 

 

We never know when or if God plans to bring us more children, but He ALWAYS provides.  ALWAYS.  Most of our children’s beds/cribs were given to us.  Our dining room table was provided for only the cost of the materials.  Seriously, Jehovah Jireh always lives out His name.  He is The Provider.  It wouldn’t matter if our home was 600 square feet or 6,000, He would provide abundantly regardless, and all our needs would be met.

 

God is so good.  We praise Him for the many blessings He’s entrusted to us, and for His abundant provision along the way.

Nuts and Bolts {Part 2}

So, here’s part 2 of the “Nuts and Bolts” series, that sparked from this comment on our blog:

Julia wrote: I really like hearing about the nuts-n-bolts of how you do it. Do you have a system for "semi-clean" clothes? In our house, the clothes that can be washed again are draped on a chair- where they stay for a long time. Do you just wash everything after even a "minor" wear, or do you have a place for these clothes (without putting them back in the drawer? Also, how do you motivate kids to actually do their part with household chores? It's not that our kids are refusing- they are just "head in the clouds" kids, and it takes SO MUCH effort on my part to nag, remind, cajole, etc. for them to get stuff done. I'd also like to hear the nuts-n-bolts about how you have housed everyone- did you move, add-on, or what? How have you decided how to put what kids in what rooms, with whom?

 

Today, I’m addressing this question:

Also, how do you motivate kids to actually do their part with household chores? It's not that our kids are refusing- they are just "head in the clouds" kids, and it takes SO MUCH effort on my part to nag, remind, cajole, etc. for them to get stuff done.

 

A couple of years ago, I discovered a book called Managers of Their Chores by Steve and Teri Maxwell.  This was seriously a life-changing book for me…and my kids…and my husband…and our entire home.  (And, nope, I’m not getting paid anything to promote this book!!!  Julia (the author of the comment I’m addressing), since you’re a homeschooling publisher, you probably know the Maxwells.  They’re awesome!)

 

Anyway, before I discovered this book, my husband was paying a housecleaner to clean our home weekly.  While that was luxurious, I learned that I was actually doing my children a disservice.  I learned from a Biblical viewpoint why chores are so important, and this is what radically changed the way our entire home and family operated.  (At the time, I had no clue God was planning to rapidly grow our family through adoption.  It’s a good thing He changed our house cleaning/chore system before our expansion because the expense of a weekly house cleaner is not in our budget—-plus, a house cleaner would need to come daily to keep up with this crew!!!)

 

Each of our children (who are capable of doing chores) has a chore notebook.  This means everyone except Selah, Conner, and Cooper is expected to do chores, every day except Sunday.

 

Managers of Their Chores has fabulous ideas for organizing family chores, as well as offering ideas for younger children to get in on the action.  The book opened my eyes to chores that little ones can do, such as changing the hand towels, wiping the switch plates and door knobs, and wiping down our wooden stairs and railings.  The little ones look forward to the day they’re able to finally get a “real” chore!

 

Managers of Their Chores has something called “chore packs”, which is basically picture chore cards hung on a ring clip which is then clipped to little ones to remind them of their daily chores.  We don’t use these, but I did like the idea.

 

For some of our children, I have them do the exact same chore every single day.  For example, Kiefer (age 4) wipes down our wooden stairs every single day.  He loves this chore.  Sometimes it’s just easier to have one child do the exact same chore every single day.  Ella (age 7) dusts using the Swiffer every single day, but the rooms that she dusts changes by the day.  She’s assigned 2 rooms/areas per day.  Plus, Ella waters the indoor plants daily as well.

 

For the older kids, their chores change daily.  This is where their chore folders come in handy.  Inside the folder, there’s a page for each day.  The pages detail the chores for each day.  The page is slipped inside a clear 3-ring page protector, and the kids use dry-erase markers to check off their chores as they complete them.  (This was a novel, fun idea when we first implemented the chore system, but now the kids all know what their chores are for each day, so they no longer use their chore notebooks.)

 

Each of our children has “regular” chores, such as getting dressed, making bed, brushing teeth, cleaning up after themselves, etc., but then there are the extra chores like sweeping, mopping, cleaning toilets, cleaning mirrors, cleaning windows, cleaning sinks and showers, etc.  With everyone pitching it, no one has more than one hour of chores per day, and our house stays fairly clean and tidy.  “Fairly” is a relative term, of course, but for 12 people living in our home, I’d say things are in pretty good order.  It’s a bit challenging since we homeschool because that means most of us are here 24/7, which means more people and more time to make more messes, but I wouldn’t trade that for the joy of these many blessings running around here leaving fingerprints on the walls…and sometimes even footprints on the ceilings!!!

 

Without the help of each child, there’s no way *I* could do this on my own.  I’m so very grateful for the help each child (and my hubby) contributes to running our home, and I’m so grateful God gave us this system.  I never realized, until I read Managers of Their Chores, the importance of chores.  There’s so much to learn from this book that I can’t even begin to go into detail here, so I highly recommend this book if you’re interested in teaching your children to not be lazy, to work hard, to apply themselves Biblically, to serve their family…you know, all those important virtues and values that many times we don’t realize are learned simply through daily service.

 

As far as tips for getting our children to do their chores, when we first implemented this system, we educated our children on the Biblical reasoning behind chores.  We studied, as a family, the many scriptures cited throughout Managers of Their Chores so that everyone would be on the same page.  We wanted our children to understand, from a Biblical perspective, why their chores were so important.  This helped tremendously to get everyone on board.  Intrinsic motivation is important to me, so helping everyone to understand the Biblical importance, mandates, and opportunities for service found in chores was vital to the success of this system.

 

And praise, praise, praise, praise, praise the kids for helping, especially when chores are first implemented. For the kids who are motivated by praise, this works beautifully. Those who have a service love language are happy to serve because they’re showing love in their language.  In my opinion, positive motivation and encouragement is the best way for everyone to have success, but if that doesn’t work, there’s always consequences, just like in real life.

 

Our children are expected to do their chores first thing in the morning.  It’s fairly easy for me to scan and see if everyone is busy completing their chores, and if someone is off-task, usually a verbal reminder is my first response.  If that’s not effective, consequences are next.  Our consequences are tailored to each child because different things work best for different kids.  We have some children who have never had a consequence for chore laziness simply because these children want to help, they want to serve, and they want to please God through their obedience, and they truly do an amazing job.  This is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO awesome, but not everyone operates that way.

 

For the children who are forgetful, who sometimes blatantly disobey, and sometimes even pretend that they completed their chores when they did not, there’s always a consequence.  If the consequence isn’t effective, we change the consequence until we (hopefully!) find something that is effective.  For some of our kiddos, charging them a fine is effective.  For others, being assigned extra chores is effective.  Each child seems to have various consequences, from walking on the treadmill, to loss of privileges, to early bedtime, to no dessert.  It takes some trial and error to see what motivates and encourages the kids to get their chores done, but the expectation that they won’t be able to do anything fun until chores are completed is probably the biggest motivator.

 

I also have learned through trial and error which chores are performed best by which children.  That makes things easier on all of us (having specific chores assigned to the child(ren) who does those tasks best).  I am so, so, so grateful to have the help of each person in our family. Each contributes to the success of our family, home, and ranch. God is just so good to bless us with so many children, and then show us an awesome system to make it all work.

 

One thing I’ve learned, the hard way (and still struggle with), is that negative criticism, versus constructive instruction, really squelches things.  This is a constant battle for me because I’m a Type A personality.  I had to give up on perfectionism in order to have this chore system work (which was all part of God’s plan), so God’s been working on me in some mighty ways through this system.  I still struggle with wanting certain things done “my way”, so for certain chores, I prefer to do them myself.  But, for the most part, I’m truly blown away by how well our children do their chores and how much character training occurs in the process.  Such good traits to learn as children that will carry over into adulthood, future jobs, and serving their future families.

 

I’m truly grateful that God’s been in the process of transforming me from a Martha to a Mary, and this chore system is part of His plan in that.  I’ve been completely amazed to see what a truly awesome job most of our children do with their chores, and I couldn’t be more grateful for all of the help and teamwork that goes into large family living.  I praise God for His work in each of us, training us and teaching us not only how to do certain tasks, how to work hard and not be lazy (such an important virtue found numerous times throughout the Bible), but also teaching us how to find joy in serving our family and taking care of our home and ranch, even in tasks that aren’t normally considered enjoyable.  Praise Him!!!

We’re a “Commercial” Family!

Okay, I’ve given up on “normal” residential soap and towel options for our home!!!

 

We have one main hand washing station where all of the littles wash before each meal, as well as each time their hands are just nasty.  That bathroom is always a mess.  Spilled soap all over the counters, towels stuffed into the sink (or toilet!), the towel rack pulled off the wall (multiple times), soap dispensers breaking regularly, you know, the stuff that goes with large family logistics.

 

I’ve discovered that “residential” products just aren’t meant to be used by large families!  We’re a “commercial” size family!!!

 

So, I’ve moved to commercial options for our powder bathroom!!!  Today we installed a commercial soap dispenser and “residential commercial” (whatever that means!) hand dryer!!!

 

The hand dryer simply plugs into an outlet.  It blows warm air and takes 45 seconds to thoroughly dry wet hands.

 

The soap dispenser can either be installed by mounting it with screws to the wall or using the massively sticky tape that comes with it to adhere it to a smooth surface.  We opted for the tape option because this powder bath doesn’t have much wall space, and I didn’t want the infrared action picking up on toilet use and dispensing soap with each movement!!!

 

We’ll see how this works.  I purchased both on Amazon for really reasonable prices.  Hopefully this will solve our issues. 

 

PS  Will you please check out this link and pray for these children to find a forever family?  Share their story.  I know first-hand that these children CAN do well in a family, they really can.  In my opinion, having Down syndrome is an encouragement that even after years of neglect, abuse, and mistreatment, these children still have a good chance of transitioning to family life.  From what I’ve learned, most people with Down syndrome have some “extra love” on that extra chromosome, even after years and years and years of horrible treatment.  This isn’t always the case, but I’ve seen it first-hand.  I’m believing God has a special family for these three special kiddos.

Nuts and Bolts {Part 1}

Yesterday I received this comment on our blog:

Julia wrote: I really like hearing about the nuts-n-bolts of how you do it. Do you have a system for "semi-clean" clothes? In our house, the clothes that can be washed again are draped on a chair- where they stay for a long time. Do you just wash everything after even a "minor" wear, or do you have a place for these clothes (without putting them back in the drawer? Also, how do you motivate kids to actually do their part with household chores? It's not that our kids are refusing- they are just "head in the clouds" kids, and it takes SO MUCH effort on my part to nag, remind, cajole, etc. for them to get stuff done. I'd also like to hear the nuts-n-bolts about how you have housed everyone- did you move, add-on, or what? How have you decided how to put what kids in what rooms, with whom?

 

This gave me the idea to answer Julia’s questions in a blog post…or two…or three. :-)

 

Today I’ll address the first question:

Do you have a system for "semi-clean" clothes? In our house, the clothes that can be washed again are draped on a chair- where they stay for a long time. Do you just wash everything after even a "minor" wear, or do you have a place for these clothes (without putting them back in the drawer?

 

Regarding “semi-clean” clothes, there’s really no such thing in our house, even if a person only wore it for a few minutes.  If they came out of their room in it, it’s most likely dirty. :-)  Our clothes are pretty much covered in snot, spit up, saliva, dirty handprints, smeared food, dog prints, and sometimes even horse manure!!!  So, you can see why all articles of clothing go into the washer, regardless of how long someone wore it. 

 

If I lived in another country without electricity, a power washing machine, and a clothes dryer, I know I’d feel differently.  I’d probably spot clean the clothes.  I’ve visited enough countries to know that while outside the US, I wear my clothes as many times as possible before washing because washing in a foreign country pretty much means filling the bathtub with water, stomping around on the clothes while they soak in a tub of suds, wringing clothes one by one by hand (takes FOREVER!), then finding places to hang them to dry.  A real pain, especially for a spoiled American!  I probably wouldn’t let me kids get as dirty as they do here on the ranch, just to save laundry loads.  Or maybe I’d just let them wear really dirty clothing over and over again and not even care. :-)

 

Sometimes at our house, when someone wears really nice clothing (fancy dress or something that requires dry cleaning), and we KNOW it’s still clean (most likely because the person walked straight to the vehicle and wasn’t around the littles or the pets!), that item may be hung back in the closet for future wearing without being cleaned first.  That’s a rare occurrence though.

 

I think if we had “semi-clean” clothes that we were willing to wear again, we’d probably just put them back in the drawers/closets.  If they’re clean enough to wear again, they’re clean enough to put away.  Or maybe we’d require the semi-clean clothes to be worn the following day until they’re nice and dirty. :-)  I don’t think I’d like semi-clean clothes draped over chairs where they sit for a long time, so I’d suggest either putting them away with the rest of the clothes or enforcing a rule to wear those clothes the following day, or just laundering them.  Many times I ask myself the Dr. Phil question, “How’s that workin’ for ya?”  If it’s not working, I change it.

 

Hope that helps.

 

Stay tuned for more Silly Songs with Larry…oh, I mean, more Nuts and Bolts with Lorraine.  See ya next time!

Laundry

Nope, I’m not talking about the election today.

Instead, I’m talking about laundry because laundry is something everyone can pretty much agree upon.   Everyone has laundry.  Not everyone loves doing laundry.

It’s inevitable that large families will have tons of laundry.  Kids who love to get messy outside, kids with special needs who regularly need changes of clothing due to reflux and accidents, then the regular ole laundry of daily clothing, hand towels, bath towels, etc., well, it’s a lot to keep up with.

I like the way our system works, so I thought I’d share it here in case it’s helpful to anyone out there who’s struggling to keep up with the never-ending mounds of laundry.

It helps tremendously that we have two washing machines and two dryers, but prior to this year, we operated with one of each.

We have one laundry room where we keep two bins for clothing.  We only separate it into lights and darks to save time and to reduce laundry loads.

Every capable person in our family is responsible for putting his/her laundry into the correct laundry bin in the laundry room.  No one is allowed to keep dirty laundry anywhere else—it must go into the laundry bins or it won’t get laundered.

To save time with sorting the laundry, each person must be responsible for making sure his/her laundry gets put into the correct bin of lights or darks.  (This is not a no-fail system because inevitably someone puts an item into the wrong bin, but for the most part, this saves gobs of sorting time.)

To help the kids facilitate the sorting process, I made a color coded sorting chart and taped it to the front of each laundry bin.


The labels are crooked and the Contact paper has bubbles in it, but, hey, it gets the job done!

Since we have a two-story home and our laundry room is upstairs (where all of our bedrooms are and most of the clothes-changing occurs), I keep smaller containers on the stairs to collect various laundry throughout the day.  When we have a dirty washrag or a dirty sock or a dirty bib during the day, instead of running it upstairs to the laundry bins, we toss it into one of these containers on the stairs.  (The containers on the stairs are just shoe-box sized clear containers that we set on the bottom two steps of our stairs, out of the way of traffic.)  At the end of the day, my hubby takes the containers to our laundry room for me.  Love him.

Every morning, I toss the bin of darks into one washing machine and the bin of lights into the other washing machine.  At or before lunch (lunch is the reminder in case we forget!), both wet loads get tossed into the dryers.  By early afternoon, the laundry’s ready to be folded.

Each of the older girls has taken turns as the laundry folding person, but recently Naomi (age 20) volunteered to always fold the laundry and deliver it.  What a blessing this has been!

I labeled laundry baskets with the names of each person in our family to assist with the task of sorting laundry as it’s folded.  Each basket has two names on it, coordinated by who shares bedrooms/closets.  As Naomi folds a piece of laundry, she sets it into the proper owner’s basket.  Then, once the last piece of laundry is folded, all of the clean laundry is already sorted and ready to be delivered.

Each basket is delivered to the appropriate bedroom, and it is the laundry owner’s responsibility to put his/her laundry away every evening.  I put away the laundry for Selah, Cooper, and Conner since they’re unable to do this chore. 

Then a new day comes and so does a new round of laundry.   I’ve found that if I don’t do laundry daily, I feel like I’m constantly playing catch up and can’t ever get on top of the laundry loads.  For us, one day of laundry fills the bin of darks and half fills the bin of lights, but I can’t wait to wash the lights because much of it is wet washrags that will mildew if not washed daily.  (We use white washrags to clean each of our little ones’ faces and hands after each meal, as well as to wipe down the table and countertops after each meal.)

Towels/linens are laundered once per week in the afternoons, once the regular daily laundry bins are moved from the washer to the dryer.  I don’t have a set day for towels/linens because of my crazy schedule with doctor’s appointments and therapies.  I just do it whenever I have an afternoon at home and it works fine for us.

I’d love to hear your laundry tips—leave a comment!

Love This!

Indeed, adoption is a beautiful thing.

 

Click HERE to view one of my new favorite adoption designs.  I got my shirt in the mail yesterday and I LOVE it!!!!!  You can order your “Adoption is Beautiful” gear HERE and support this family in bringing their little one home.

 

 

 

In honor of National Adoption Awareness Month, I’d love to gather a collection of links to adoption merchandise.  If you are selling something adoption/orphan related or know of someone who is, please leave a comment and give a link to the merchandise.  Thanks so much!

Depraved Indifference

November is National Adoption Awareness Month.

 

Watch the video.

 

Pray.

 

Be an advocate for the orphan.

 

Be a voice for the voiceless.

 

Because orphans matter.