So, How Do You Know?

“…this is my question for you...  HOW do you KNOW what His CALL for YOU is????  Trying to understand life in His terms the best I can... :)”

 

This is a question I often receive, so I thought I’d try to address it here.

 

I don’t have a simple answer to this question, and it might be something different for each of you, but I’ll share a story of how God spoke His call into my life when He was asking me to homeschool.

 

Ten years ago, back in 2002, homeschooling was the furthest thing from my mind.  I was very happy with our three young children (ages 2, 4, and 6 at the time) enrolled in our local private Christian school.  I could go to the grocery store by myself, I could have lunch with my husband with uninterrupted conversation on Tuesdays and Thursdays (our youngest two attended pre-school part-time), and I could volunteer countless hours at the school.  A win-win situation for all of us.

 

Or so I thought.

 

The spring semester of that school year, I was doing a Beth Moore Bible study.  I don’t even recall which study it was, but I recall clearly how God kept bringing me to the thought of homeschooling.  “WHAT?”, I would ask God.  “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”, I would plead.  I So. Did. Not. Want. To. Homeschool.

 

For fear that I might speak this idea into being, I refused to mention it to anyone.  I thought I’d just tuck that thought away, bury it, so it would never come true. 

 

But God had different plans.  I began to dream about homeschooling, almost every single night, but I still didn’t mention it to anyone.  I still didn’t want this idea to come true.  I still ignored the ways God was trying to get me to understand what His will was for my life, for that season.  I didn’t “discuss” this idea with God.  I simply ignored it.

 

Then, one day completely out of the blue, our oldest son (age 6 at the time) asked, “Mom, will you homeschool me?”

 

WHAT?!?!?!?!

 

I seriously choked, then blew my water all over the windshield of the vehicle I was driving.  Then I argued with Parker!  I drilled him with questions like:

• Who told you to ask me that?
• How do you even know what homeschooling is?
• Do you have any idea how horrible that would be?
• Why in the world would you ever want to be homeschooled?
• Do you even know anyone who is homeschooled?

 

Yep, I grilled him to more than a char. 

 

And then I told him no, I would not homeschool him!!!

 

So then I was getting really frustrated with God.  How dare He bring my child into this one-way conversation?!?!  Nope, I was having no part of it.

 

Then I received a book in the mail that I DID NOT ORDER!!!  It was entitled, So, You’re Thinking about Homeschooling? by Lisa Welch.  I just about fell over when I saw this.  Who in the world sent this book to me?!?!  Why, oh why, oh why?!?!

 

I showed it to my husband and scoffed at the idea.  Then we sat and discussed how I felt like God was putting this insane idea into my head.  We both decided that we would “research” homeschooling and prepare ourselves better while our children attended private school another year.  Then, if we felt ready and felt like God was still nudging us to do this, we’d dive in head first.

 

Yeah, right.

 

In an effort to begin researching homeschooling, I attended a local homeschool convention.  The first session I attended was led by Steve and Teri Maxwell of Titus 2 Ministries.  I remember thinking how this was so not for me.

 

Then, right smack dab in the middle of that session, Teri put a transparency up on the big screen that read something like, “If you are thinking about homeschooling, but you’ve decided that you’ll “research” for a year while you send your children to the local private Christian school down the street, you are DISOBEYING God.”

 

I still get chills when I recall that moment.

 

I kid you not, that really happened, I have witnesses!  (Nancy, if you’re reading this, you can vouch for me!!!) 

 

I went home and shared with my husband what had occurred at this conference.  We prayed together and decided we should obey God because that would be better than enduring the punishment we might incur if we chose to disobey God!

 

…to be continued

Oh, Praise Him!

Conner is home from the hospital and doing well.  We believe his immune system is compromised right now, making him more susceptible to illness.  With the start of school, and thus more exposure to germs, it will probably take his immune system some time to build up antibodies and be able to fight off some of the many cooties he’ll undoubtedly be exposed to over time.  We just praise God for His healing—and the awesome care Conner always receives at Dell Children’s Hospital!!!

 

Conner and Cooper’s teacher emailed me some precious pictures of the boys during their first two weeks of school.  (Conner has already missed 4 out of his 8 days of school…ugh!)  The boys are being loved on by everyone who crosses their paths.  They’re still undergoing assessments so we can get their IEP’s (Individualized Educational Plans) in place, but in the meantime, they’re adjusting well to their new routine.  God has provided abundantly, right down to the boys’ awesome bus driver and aide.  (The boys’ bus driver took our family photos years ago…small world!!!)  God is always weaving such a beautiful tapestry, even when we have no idea what He’s up to.  The intricacy of every detail He plans, knitting relationships years prior, overwhelms me. We can get so lost in the intricate “mess” on the backside of the tapestry that we forget there’s a beautiful front side—oh how glorious the day will be when the front side is fully revealed.  If we have to name the tapestry, I’m surely going to call it heaven. 

Often times, people will tell us that we’re saints, or they’ll praise us for “what we’re doing for these children”.  I rarely know how to respond to that for a variety of reasons, but my main thought is that this is not about us.  We should never be praised for “what we’re doing”; we should praise GOD for what He’s doing.  We are just average, ordinary people, like everyone else, and, believe me, we’re not worthy of praise in any way.  We fall short every single time, but our Father always hits the mark.

Regarding sainthood, I believe that all of us who belong to Jesus Christ are saints, not because of our works, but because we are sanctified by His blood.  We are either a lost sinner or a saved saint.  Sinners become saints when we put our trust in Jesus Christ and become saved, being set apart (sanctified) from sin and the lost world.  We (all believers) are saints because we belong to God, not as a small group of believers who do good works, but as ALL believers who are saved by the blood of our Lamb.  Being sanctified means we belong to God, and ALL of us, as believers, would have been called saints in biblical times.  We just use the term ‘saint’ in our day differently than the term was originally intended.  So, yes, we technically are saints because we belong to our Father, but not because of anything we do here on earth. 

 

Due to today’s connotation of the word “saint”, my skin crawls a little when someone tells us we’re saints.  As I explained in the above paragraph, technically, by the original definition of what a saint is, yes, we are saints by the grace and blood of Jesus, but SERVANTS is what we really are.  We serve a mighty God who loves each of us dearly.  We truly are no different than any other believer.  We are all servants, we all serve Him differently, in whatever way He asks of us.  It is our joy and pleasure to serve our Father, and it just so happens that having a large family with lots of special needs kiddos is the way He’s asked us to serve Him.  For me, I cannot think of anything more glorious, but for you, He might call you to do something completely different.  If we’re believers, we might be saints by default, but servants is the title we should strive for.  How will you serve Him today?  Don’t limit what He can do by disobeying what He’s calling you to.  Obey and watch Him work.  It’s a glorious thing to witness, especially when there’s absolutely no way we could do it on our own—that truly gives Him ALL the glory.

Some say they could never do what we do, but I beg to differ.  If you are a believer, if you love the same God we love, if you are His servant, you will WANT to do whatever it is He calls you to.  Now, you might be begging that He doesn’t call you to care for lots of kiddos, but if He does, He WILL equip you.  To say that you could never do something is to put God in a box.  Scripture tells us that with God, all things are possible.  You either believe His Word as Truth or you don’t.  Don’t think for a second that you can’t do this or that—IF God calls you to it, He will see you through it.

 

I can’t imagine our life any differently.  I feel so very blessed that this is the ministry God has called us to.  Children are truly a blessing of the Lord, a reward from Him, and blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.  Blessed.  There’s no better way to describe our lives.  The richness we receive from each and every treasure God has chosen to bless us with is simply indescribable.  To see our children in relationship with one another, regardless of ability, is one of the greatest blessings we will ever receive.  Watching Kiefer try to get Cooper to talk, watching Selah reprimand Conner for stimming (self-stimulating), watching Ella mother all her little chicks (her younger siblings), watching our older kids doing physical, occupational, and speech therapy with many of our younger children, encouraging them to reach beyond their current ability, watching each member come together as a whole, a team united by love, well, it’s heaven on earth.  To see children of different skin color, speaking different languages, from different lands, all playing together, laughing together, growing together, learning together, and loving together--it’s truly a glimpse of paradise. 

 

I can only imagine what heaven will be like one day, but for now, I praise our Father for blessing us with these glimpses of heaven on earth.  There are so many lessons to be learned here on earth, but there is truly no greater joy than to hear my children walk in truth, loving others the way He’s demonstrated:  unconditionally, wholeheartedly, selflessly, sacrificially.  This is not something *we* should be praised for, this is what He is worthy to be praised for.  And whatever it is that He calls you to do, obey Him, praise Him, and trust that He will enable you to do what you might consider impossible.  He is faithful and worthy of your obedience and your praise.  Remember, God takes ordinary people and equips them to do extraordinary tasks for His glory.  It doesn’t take anything special, just a willing spirit and a heart for Him.  He takes care of the rest.  Oh, praise Him!

Headin' Home!

Guess who's bustin' out of the hospital?!?! Conner's on his way home!!! Grateful for His new mercies on this morning. Yeehaw, headin' bak to the ranch. Thanks for praying!

Conner’s Still in the Hospital

Counting it all joy.  God knows I need more and more practice at living this out.  His plans are far greater than anything I can fathom.  While I might find it inconvenient to leave 10 family members behind while I rush out the door to drive an hour to the ER as my son suffers with a fever of 104, which rises to 105 while in the ER, with meds already in his system, our Father knows what He’s doing.  My eyes are blind to His greater plan.  I simply live moment by moment, trusting Him wholeheartedly, regardless of what the day by day looks like.

 

I’ve had many children with fevers of 104 and higher, but none of them have ever had Salmonella sepsis (blood infection).  I’ve also never had a doctor tell me to take my child straight to the ER due to a 104 fever, so Conner’s case is new for me.  But I know God never makes mistakes, and His plans are always better than mine.

 

I had to laugh on the day I wrote a blog post about balancing.  Someone contacted me and said something about how I’d be able to get things balanced much more easily if I could stay out of the hospital!  So true, so true, but it reminded me that many of the things I’d like to accomplish have no eternal purpose.  God has eternal purpose with many of these unexpected hospitalizations.  Believe it or not, many of these “inconveniences” are how God uses the testimony He’s written for our family to open other people’s eyes to the plight of the orphan.  Conner steals the heart of just about every person who provides care for him while he’s hospitalized.  This little non-verbal child can say more with his sweet face and expressive eyes than many of us can with words!   That, my friends, has eternal purpose, while organizing my home doesn’t really have everlasting value.  Not to say that organization and cleanliness aren’t important, as I believe they are, it’s just His plan trumps my desire, and His plan always has a greater value, usually with eternal significance, while my plans usually just involve the here and now.

 

Conner is doing much better than expected.  So far, none of the cultures (stool and blood) are indicative of Salmonella or any other bacteria, which is fantastic.  Conner’s labs indicate this is simply a viral infection that presented with extremely high fever.  Conner’s been fever-free for more than 24 hours, with no medications needed to control temp.  He has horrendous diarrhea, a yucky wet cough, and lots of congestion.  Conner’s diarrhea is no longer bloody, just really watery stools that occur really often.  He vomited Thursday night, but that’s probably just part of the virus.

 

As long as he continues to move in the right direction, and none of his labs and/or cultures show anything concerning, Conner should be able to go home sometime Friday.  Thank you so much for praying—hopefully I’ll have a post soon that says Conner’s mission in the hospital has been accomplished and he’s on his way home!!!

 

PS  You know you’ve had too many hospital stays when your laptop has multiple room numbers stored in its memory when logging in to the hospital’s wireless Internet.

Conner’s Back in the Hospital

I went to have lunch with Conner and Cooper in their classroom Wednesday.  When I arrived, Conner looked like he was feeling miserable.  (He was fine when he went to school Wednesday morning.)  The aide said he fell asleep in her arms mid-morning, and he had two huge blow-out diarrhea diapers that morning.  The nurse took Conner’s temperature, but it was only 100. 

 

I fed both boys their lunch, and Conner seemed to perk up while he was eating.  Soon thereafter, he was feeling warmer and just looked ill, so his teacher helped me take him back to the nurse for another temp reading.  This time he had 100.8, but he still felt much warmer than that.  I checked him out of school early, then went to our local pharmacy and purchased a new rectal thermometer.  Once I got Conner home, I took his temp and it was 104.4!!!

 

I called Conner’s infectious disease doctor and reported to the nurse about this fever spike and diarrhea episode.  The nurse paged the doctor, then returned my call immediately to give me orders to take Conner to Dell Children’s Hospital’s ER.  On the way to the ER, Conner cried and moaned the same way he did when he had Salmonella.

 

When we got to the ER, Conner’s very first American nurse met us at registration and swooped Conner into a room immediately.  (We LOVE this nurse!)  While in the ER, Conner spiked a fever of 105, and that was with Ibuprofen and Acetaminophen in his system.  Nothing seemed to take it down, so after an hour of the administration of Tylenol (in addition to Motrin several hours prior), the ER doctor instructed us to keep cold washrags on Conner.  Eventually Conner’s fever broke and came down to 101.

 

The PICC team worked hard to get an IV into Conner, but after 4 failed attempt (well, 1 worked initially for a blood draw, but infiltrated within minutes of Conner’s fluid bolus being connected), we decided to call it quits.  Poor guy, his veins are like dental floss.  Even under ultrasound, it’s nearly impossible to get an IV in. 

 

Conner’s infectious disease doctor requested Conner be admitted for 24 hour observation, even though his labs looked acceptable.  She was concerned that since Conner became so life-threatening ill just a few weeks ago, that she wasn’t comfortable with his going home—at least not until the initial blood cultures were grown.  I agreed.

 

A few hours after Conner got settled on the floor, he had two more blow-out diarrhea diapers, and the last one with filled with blood and mucus, which was very similar in consistency and scent (YUCK!) to his Salmonella diapers.  Infectious disease said they’ve seen a few cases where the IV antibiotic didn’t completely kill the Salmonella bacteria, so once the antibiotic was completely out of the system, the Salmonella returned.  We won’t know until stool and blood cultures grow whether or not it’s Salmonella again.

 

Conner’s had a few bouts of crying and moaning and feeling completely miserable, but it’s not as severe as it was the last time he was admitted.  He spiked another fever late Wednesday night, and he continued to have an extremely high heart rate (at 200 or higher much of the time…should be around 80-100ish).  With his tachycardia and diarrhea, the floor doctor decided Conner really needed IV fluids to replace lost stool fluids and hydrate Conner to try to reduce his tachycardia.  An anesthesiologist was able to get Conner’s IV on the first stick, in his foot.  Hopefully it won’t infiltrate!

 

We should know a little more after the first round of cultures (blood and stool) are back—hopefully by Thursday afternoon.  Conner also has a cough and a slightly runny nose, so maybe this fever/illness is totally unrelated to the Salmonella episode.  Please pray that this illness will be healed quickly and Conner (and me) will get to return home SOON.  This hospital is our second home, unfortunately, it’s not a vacation home, there’s always severe illness and tears, and it separates us from family.  We don’t love any of that—we love home and family!!!

 

I’ll update again once we have more answers.  Thanks so much for your prayers and support!

Another ER visit

I'm taking Conner to Dell Children's ER with 104.4 fever per orders from his infectious disease doctor. Please pray against a return of salmonella in his blood, which I was told is a possibility. :-(

Sent from Lorraine's iPhone

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Happy Birthday, Matt!

How do I love thee?

 

Let me count the ways…

For the 11 precious treasures whom you love wholeheartedly and unconditionally.

For being the head of our household and leading us in prayer and devotion and worship and Bible studies.

For being an awesome father to the fatherless. 

For your devotion in sickness and in health.

For joyfully walking alongside others in need.

For modeling what love really means.

Don’t be shocked or surprised that I’m not able to adequately list ALL the ways we love you, Big Daddy!  There are over 147 million ways we love you, but your compassionate heart and selfless spirit stand out above the rest.  Your 42 years on this earth have blessed more people than we could possibly count.  Thank you for being you.  We love you passionately and wish you a blessed 42nd birthday!