Saturday, December 26, 2009

My First Post!

It's my very first post...YAY! I have wanted to start a blog for a long time now, but my busyness has kept me from devoting the time to sit down and set it up. Now, the pressure of what to write in my very first post...hmmmm...there's so much to say and so many topics to discuss!

First, let me begin by declaring that I am merely a sinner who has been mercifully saved by the blood of Jesus. I haven’t always been the “home-schooling, van driving, adoptive mom, Jesus Freak” that many might classify me as today. In fact, I spent most of my life rebelling against my Father, my parents, and any authorities who were placed in my life. I was a rude, mean, disrespectful, selfish, egocentric person who always thought of myself and MY needs, wants and desires more than I ever thought of others.

God’s work in my life has been a slow miracle in progress, to say the least. Although I was raised going to church, I never had an intimate relationship with Christ. I believed that Jesus was God’s Son, and that He died for my sins, but I was happy with just that, with nothing else being required of me. Therefore, I lived a life of selfishness, greed, jealousy and ugliness. Never was I once bothered by it, either.

Until God began to soften my heart and open my eyes.

He began this work by sending me my first-born son, Parker. God forced me to take the focus off of ME, and He forced me to pour myself out for someone else. He did this by sending me a son who wasn’t a textbook baby…he was far from it. While he didn’t have any diagnosed “special needs”, he was one high maintenance baby!!! (And I LOVED babies, worked in a day care center in high school, babysat from the age of 11 until…well, until presently!, and I’d never cared for a baby as high maintenance as the one God sent me.)

But God knew all of this and sent me Parker for a very good reason.

God loved me and wanted me to begin to learn to love others as He loved me, which meant chipping away at my selfishness and opening my heart to His love in an intimate way.

God’s work in my life had officially begun on May 25, 1996, and since that date, He’s never given up. It’s taken him many years to chisel away at the hardness of my heart, carefully circumcising away all of the areas that He desires gone and replacing it with more of Him. God showed me His message in Deuteronomy 30 regarding circumcision of the heart. Ever since He opened my eyes to His desire and showed me how I didn’t love Him the way He loved me, I began praying for God to SHOW me, TEACH me, GUIDE me, and CIRCUMCISE my heart to be more like His.

What a mighty work He has had cut out for Him! But, because He is so mighty and powerful, He has faithfully been chipping away at this heart of stone, tenderizing and circumcising, and I am forever grateful and forever blessed.

Little did I know what this prayer of circumcision would mean for my life. I wholeheartedly and faithfully prayed for God to circumcise my heart, to teach me how to love the way He loves me. I never once considered what that might look like in my life, but that’s a good thing, because I probably would have been too scared to pray that prayer had I known what it would require!!!

Circumcise my heart, dear God.
Remove this piece of stone.
Enable me to love you, Lord—
To live for you alone!

It would take a novel to record all that He has done in my life, but in short, let me just say that yes, He is definitely a miracle-worker! He has taken me from living a self-centered all-about-me life to realizing and rejoicing that my life is not my own. I am His, my life is His, and I want Him to do with me what He desires, even if I don’t always “agree”! I have learned that He will replace my selfish desires with His desires, and He will graciously give me and grant me the desires of my (His) heart. He has basically taken everything I said I would NEVER do (because it involved too much emotional risk or too much selflessness), and taught me how to do it for His glory! Everything I used to freely judge (as the all-knowing authority on every subject I used to be), He has humbled me by having me DO those exact same things, and in the process, He has begun circumcising my heart.

He has taught me (and is still teaching me!) how to have an intimate relationship with  Him, how to put others before myself, how to serve others with joy, how to treat others with respect, how to have compassion, how to home-school, how to drive a 15-passenger van, how to parent “special needs” children,  how to have a heart for the orphan, how to cry, how to be a mom to our children of various needs, how to be a wife to the man I love, how to be a household manager, how to minister to the hurt and abused, how to be inclusive instead of exclusive, how to speak/understand Spanish for the sake of an orphan, how to be an ESL teacher, how to counsel the older orphan, how to be a nurse, how to be obedient to His call of adopting a child who needs MAJOR open-heart surgery to save her life, how to love the unlovely, how to say I'm sorry, how to say yes, how to say no, how to discern, and, most of all, He has taught me (and continues to teach me) how to love Him with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength. It is only by His abundant love and amazing grace that this wretch has changed, and while I still have a long way to go, He is faithful and mighty to save.

I am forever grateful and forever blessed.


Amy said...

Yeah! So excited you started your blog! I know God is going to use you and your precious family to touch so many peoples lives- all for His glory! Your story sounds so much like mine. Isn't God amazing?? Love you! Amy

Unknown said...

Bless you Lorraine and what a great post to start your blog with! I certainly can relate to what you shared. I just started mine a few days ago too! :o) The Lord is the most amazing heart transplant surgeon- He gives us His own. With love, Tina

wordgardener said...

Wow your blog is really beautiful. I normally don't have time to follow blogs because I barely have time to update my own but I am really glad I took the time to swing on over to here today. we have followed a near similar path, you and I, and God put you in Texas and me in SC just to cover a little more ground with showing off miracles. I am also a "least likely Jesus freak van driving mom" who asked my son to play soccer this year just so I could include being a soccer mom in my resume...completing the picture of how much my life turned around:) My son lost all his little Bakugan balls under the couch so crisis intervention is necessary...have a blessed day and thank you for letting God make you into YOU! Cathy B.

Unknown said...

Lorraine, I have tears streaming down my face as I read this. When you got pregnant with Parker, I prayed that God would use him to change your life. What He has accomplished is beyond my wildest imagination! I'm encouraged by your vulnerability and willingness to follow the Lord! I'm grateful to be your sister!! Love you! Trisha

Unknown said...

Lorraine, I have tears streaming down my face as I read this. When you got pregnant with Parker, I prayed that God would use him to transform your life. He has done more than I ever imagined! I am encouraged by your vulnerability and willingness to follow the Lord. I'm grateful to be your sister! Love you, Trisha

junglemama said...

Welcome to blogging. Great first post!

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful reflection you are of His Love, and you my friend shine brightly! ~Melanie

Flamingo said...

First off, your family is beautiful. I think I got to your blog from Amy's. What immediately caught my eye is your blog's the same as mine! Too funny.

Anyway...I too have 3 bio kids and 1 adopted daughter from China. I would like to adopt again, but hubby is a no go right now. we will see.

I actually have a question aobut homeschooling. I would love to hear more of your story on that...especially since you were a public school teacher. My 2 in school are in 2nd and kindergarten. We have great teachers and schools, but I can not stop thinking about homeschooling. I hate that they have homework when thye come home at such young ages...they are soooo tired! I hate that we spend our nights arguing!

Anyway, I would love to hear your journey into that!

HOpe you are having a great day!

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